How 'Bout Dem Saints

Fan...it means something different to different people. For me being a New Orleans Saints' fan is true committment. There were days when I was a kid that they were so bad, the fans in the stadium would actually wear bags over their heads. I don't even think the Detroit fans were doing that last year when the Lions were 0-16.

But today, the Saints beat the Giants--a team that is considered to be one of the best in the league--48-27. They are now 5-0. Some that has only happened 2 other times in the team's history. And it brings me to my ordinary miracle of today...determination. There were many times when they talked about selling the team, or moving the team--especially after hurricane Katrina devistated the city. But the city wouldn't have it...and the players wouldn't have it either. I have to give it to the players. The city was destroyed and yet the players wanted to come back and play and LIVE in the city. That's determination and dedication. And the fact that there are years when the team is so close to a championship and don't make it or they are so FAR from a championship and they still come back the next year to try all over again.

THAT'S DETERMINATION. How can I possibly say "I can't do something" when they come back year after year to try once again for a championship.

You gotta love it...and you have to love the support that the team gets---we natives are known for saying things like "Bless You Boys" and "Who 'Dat Say They Gonna Beat Dem Saints." It's not great grammar but it simply means there is no one that can touch us. And it's always "US" or "OUR" boys. That's the other miracle of the day...true, unwavering support. If you've got that, ANTYHING is possible...

...maybe even a Saints Superbowl!

Courage and Faith

I've thought a lot about faith and courage over the last few days...maybe the last few weeks. Recently I ended a long term relationship. I still love him. Every day I still find something in my house or around me that makes me think of him. And we are still very close and will probably be for the rest of our lives. But we are both at different points in our life. He's starting new endeavors, trying to figure out what he wants to "be when he grows up." And I'm settled. I love my house, enjoy my friends, thrive at my work (even if I'm not sure if it's exactly what I want to do). I have found my happy place. And our two paths have grown further and further apart.

So we took a line from the musical "Wicked." In "Defying Gravity", Elphaba sings "It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap." And so that's what I did...as we talked on the phone one night I said "This isn't working" and he said "Yeah." And that was it. There were tears here and there and I have to admit, there are occasions when I cry for no reason (or at least no apparent reason. But it's like I finally stopped holding my breath wondering what would happen.

And that's Faith....knowing that someone or something has a plan and sometimes you have to just let go and follow it...even if you don't know where it's going to take you. Several weekends before we ended our relationship, I went into church and asked God what to do. And he told me. But I told him I wasn't ready. And he said, ok and then waited for me to be ready. That's faith...and I thank God every day that I have it. Because I wouldn't make it through this without it.

So where does Courage come in to play? I have slowly but surely been telling friends and family what has happened. To be honest, I don't really know what to say...telling people that we "broke up" just doesn't seem like the right phrase. We aren't broken....we just aren't romantically linked. But one of the friends that I told apparently discussed it with her husband who said he admired my courage. I didn't think of it that way. I have not thought that I was courageous at all. I just thought that I was following my path. But I guess it takes courage to let go...

So here I sit, wondering where this path will take me. I have great faith that it will lead me to the right person at the right time. And I take comfort in knowing that I have the courage to make it through...I only hope that he has the courage to make it as well.

GEAUX SAINTS

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I guess that's why I have enjoyed living in the midwest. I love the cool weather, the smell of a fire in a firepit at night, the colors and the leaves changing. But what I love most about Fall is FOOTBALL. Ironically, I only went to a school with a football team for one year. The college I went to didn't have a team. But what I have been a diehard New Orleans Saints fan since I was in 3rd grade.

It was then that my teacher at the time, Mrs. Richardson, would give us extra points on Monday when she'd ask us questions about the game. I will say I wasn't excited about watching games at first. But each Sunday I would get more and more into it. And then when I was in eighth grade, I started to babysit for the children of the Offensive Coordinator for the team. And of course, I had to watch the games to see how the team was going. I always seemed to make a few extra dollars when the team would win a game. That, and the fact that, Coach would come and pick me up to babysit and I felt like it gave me something to chat with him about as we drove over to their house.

But now, it's just a part of my Sunday experience. Oh, I enjoy watching any team...but the Saints are what I "live" for. And even living in the Midwest, I still sport my Black and Gold proudly every Sunday. I've got a Saints Flag proudly displayed outside of my house and I'm either in a Saints T-Shirt or a Saints jersey. My neighbors giggle and tell me I should just become a Bears fan. But there is NO WAY. I'm happy to cheer for other teams when not playing the Saints--and would even be willing to cheer for the Bears if necessary (one of there big players right now if Forte--a Tulane grad), but first and foremost I'm a SAINT. Just like so many others, I BLEED BLACK AND GOLD!!! Geaux Saints.

That's what Friends are for

Today's miracle came to me during my run. It's my first run in about 2 weeks. Last weekend I injured my back and ended up in the emergency room. And I had not run the previous week. So I was out of commission until today.

But this morning for some reason was tough. I was in church and I don't know why but I started to get pretty emotional about my relationship. It's hard right now. We've been long distance since January and have only seen each other once in that time. I've been trying to decide what would be the best move for both of us. We've been together for over 3 years and at our age, it's sort of that time when we need to decide to fish or cut bait--I know that sounds horrible, but it's sort of true. I guess maybe the fact that they were celebrating wedding anniversaries at church made me a little emotional. I started to think about the fact that I wanted to be one of those couples.

So after church, I did a little shopping. Nother major, bought some mums to make my house look a bit more like fall and some random groceries. And after a bit of relaxing and trying to find a decent movie to watch (because of the lack of Sunday football--I hate preseason)....I decided to text a friend. And a conversation began.

He's familiar with my situation with my boyfriend. And he's tried to offer some advice--without telling me what to do. And I have to admit, I really appreciate it. And then I started to think of other people I have leaned on in the last few months.

It's been a tough summer. One of my co-workers took another position and so we've had 3 people doing the work of four--believe me I am not complaining. I have a job and I am very appreciative. But I have felt like I've been behind on EVERYTHING and I just can't seem to catch up. I've been at my job for two years now and typically this is a time when I seem to find my comfort zone and start to run a bit on autopilot. But taking on some new projects has certainly not given me that feeling.

And my grandmother passed away this summer as well. She was 94 years old and lived a very full life. She went pretty fast and had very little suffering. And most importantly, she was able to see all 8 of her children before she passed. I had the honor to sing at her funeral. As always, this is something I like to do because it's sort of my special way of saying goodbye. But it can be difficult.

And with my boyfriend being gone and our future unsure, well...you can see how it would be a tough summer. And I've thankfully had a lot of good friends that have comforted me and encouraged me through all of it.

That's a miracle...there are certainly people out there who don't have friends. Or who don't have close friends. I am VERY fortunate to not only have friends in all of my walks of life but also to have friends that have been with me for many, many years. I have know the friend that I texted today for 15 years. And that to me is a miracle that I am most definitely thankful for. I wish everyone those types of friendships. Even if they only have one or two. It's those people that will be there when you need them and even when you don't.

One of my favorite sayings goes something like this "A good friend is someone you can call to bail you out of jail...but a great friend is someone sitting next to you in the cell and says 'Damn that was fun!'"

My friend Heather and I in 7th grade at the Celebration in the Oaks

"Here I go again..."

I've been down this road before. I've tried and tried. Each time, with different results. But this time, maybe by making it a bit more public, I hope to succeed. I'm investing a little bit more time, a little bit more of myself and a little bit more money. But this time, I hope it works....I'm going to lose that 30 lbs I've been trying to lose forever. And this time, I'm going to do it just for me. I've been trying for about a month now and I get about 5 or 6 lbs down and have to start again. This time, I've finally ordered a workout program that I think will work and I hope to start on the right path from day one.

I have to say this has been a struggle for me since college...maybe even before that. I mean, let's face it, I come from big stock....both height and width. My dad is the shortest of his brothers at 6'3". And on my mother's side I have an uncle about the same height. But growing up, most of my friends were smaller than me. I hit the height I am today around 11 years of age. By the time I was 12 I was in a size 10 shoe ( I thank God every day that my foot has actually shrank to a size 9.5!!!) And I have always said that I got boobs before they were cool. But most of my friends didn't hit those heights until later in life. So I guess I've always thought of myself as a little out of proportion. It's funny, I look back at pictures from high school today and think--"Man I was skinny." But I didn't think that back then. And I think that's something I have had to get over. Part of me has to come to the understanding that it's likely I will never look like that person again.

This is my brother and I in Jackson Square at my confirmation in 1990--note the mullet and poofy bangs and the tiny waist. I would have been 13 in this picture, I think.

But today, I'm not a size 9/10. I'm more of a 14/16. My hope is to be a 9/10 again....or maybe a 10/12...we'll see. But I want to be healthy. I want to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what I see. And not think...gee I thought this outfit looked better before I put it on.

I just have to remember that it takes ONE day at a time. And while today may be a good day...tomorrow may be a bad day. And I just have to go to bed at the end of the bad days and forget about it. I have to remember that, like everything else in this life, this is a climb. And I can't just focus on the end. I have to focus on the view up and realize that there are going to be some great successes along the way. There will be the day that I only eat half of what's on my plate and feel full. Or the day that I run 3.5 miles and don't feel winded and exhausted at the end. Or the day that I can do the entire workout video, without modifications, and not collapse at the end.

So this is me today...I had two pictures to select from. I picked the one that shows a little bit more of me. I'm not proud of this picture. But I hope the next picture will make me smile a bit...and the next picture, a bit more.

So that's my miracle for today. The opportunity to make me not a better me, but the person I want to be....

home

Most people that know me know exactly where home is. Actually, people that barely know me, know where home is. I'm from New Orleans. That's right, N'awlins. Ok, so I'm from Kenner...it's about 9 miles outside of the city but it's basically the same. And my high school was in uptown and my summer job was at Tulane University, so I can say that New Orleans is home.





And there are a lot of things that remind me of home....music, food, photos, tv shows, etc. But one thing I will always remembr from my childhood is the gardenia bush that was outside of our kitchen window. I wish I had a picture of it. It would bloom like crazy and when ever mom or I thought about it, we would cut off some of the flowers and bring them into the kitchen. I loved the smell of it. And there isn't a candle out there that can replicate that smell.

But this summer, I tried to create my own piece of home right here. And it's my newest ordinary miracle. I purchased a small gardenia plant at Lowes. It had a single blossom on it when I bought it in June and has not done a thing since. And about 3 weeks ago we noticed a few small buds popping up...but nothing bloomed. I started to wonder if the weather's been too cool. Or perhaps it's not humid enough for it to do well here. And then this morning as I was going out to church I saw this beautiful blossom. Actually there were two of them. Small. But beautiful. And that scent reminded me so much of home.

I haven't been home since 2004. If any of you remember, that was before Hurricane Katrina. My brother and his wife are the only family I still have in the area and they survived pretty well. My parents moved to Florida a number of years ago. The home that we grew up in and the only home that I ever knew received about 6ft of water. The first time I heard that news I was devastated. The family that lives there now planned to tear down the house and started over again. I couldn't believe I wouldn't have a place to drive by and say "hey kids, that's where mom lived." But then I heard that they had gutted the inside and started over. So while the inside isn't the same, the outside still looks like home.

I know that the old saying is "home is where the heart is." And my mom always used to say to me "anywhere you are is home." But sometimes you need that familiarity. Sometimes you need to sights and smells and sounds of home. I'm thankful everyday for my little piece of home on my front porch. And I hope to be able to keep it alive throughout the winter so that, come spring, I can take it back out to it's place of honor on the front porch to welcome guests and say "Y'all come on in." Because I always want to have a piece of home wherever I go.

Daffodil Principle

It's been a while since I've been on my blog. I was hoping to do this more often.



I heard my ordinary miracle today. Not sure if I spelled it right or not but it was a story called "The Daffodil Principle" It was a story about a woman who goes with her daughter to experience a daffodil field with something like 50,000 flowers planted by one woman. At the end of the story there were several statements about living your life now. One of them sounded perfect to me. It was "Don't live your life worried that it will end. Worry that it will never begin." I wholeheartedly agree with that. It's not about when is it all going to end but make sure it begins.

I think my life is in full gear but there are a few things I would like to do along the way. So as the story goes, I have to get started. I have to learn to love the journey and not just the end. I have to learn to take the steps to make things happen.

I have had a thought for several years about starting my own consulting business. Maybe I need to do it. Maybe I need o take the plunge and start...one step and a time...I think I can do it.

My friend Megan would laugh at me adding this but I love the song "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. That's right....I like Miley. The chorus says "Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. You've just gotta love the journey and not worry about what's on the other side.