Courage and Faith

I've thought a lot about faith and courage over the last few days...maybe the last few weeks. Recently I ended a long term relationship. I still love him. Every day I still find something in my house or around me that makes me think of him. And we are still very close and will probably be for the rest of our lives. But we are both at different points in our life. He's starting new endeavors, trying to figure out what he wants to "be when he grows up." And I'm settled. I love my house, enjoy my friends, thrive at my work (even if I'm not sure if it's exactly what I want to do). I have found my happy place. And our two paths have grown further and further apart.

So we took a line from the musical "Wicked." In "Defying Gravity", Elphaba sings "It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap." And so that's what I did...as we talked on the phone one night I said "This isn't working" and he said "Yeah." And that was it. There were tears here and there and I have to admit, there are occasions when I cry for no reason (or at least no apparent reason. But it's like I finally stopped holding my breath wondering what would happen.

And that's Faith....knowing that someone or something has a plan and sometimes you have to just let go and follow it...even if you don't know where it's going to take you. Several weekends before we ended our relationship, I went into church and asked God what to do. And he told me. But I told him I wasn't ready. And he said, ok and then waited for me to be ready. That's faith...and I thank God every day that I have it. Because I wouldn't make it through this without it.

So where does Courage come in to play? I have slowly but surely been telling friends and family what has happened. To be honest, I don't really know what to say...telling people that we "broke up" just doesn't seem like the right phrase. We aren't broken....we just aren't romantically linked. But one of the friends that I told apparently discussed it with her husband who said he admired my courage. I didn't think of it that way. I have not thought that I was courageous at all. I just thought that I was following my path. But I guess it takes courage to let go...

So here I sit, wondering where this path will take me. I have great faith that it will lead me to the right person at the right time. And I take comfort in knowing that I have the courage to make it through...I only hope that he has the courage to make it as well.